The birth story
I have always delayed this moment – ‘recalling my birthing story’, and the very reason being, my birthing story is too TOO strong a memory, a memory that has touched and altered our lives forever.
The beginning…
May 5th was the day I knew I was pregnant. I still remember the day very clearly, it was around 5:30 am, Vivek was just coming back to Chennai that morning, and he was away for more than a week on work. I was at my parent’s place. The moment I discovered I was pregnant, I was stunned, dazed and my world stopped for that nano second. I still cannot describe precisely what I felt that moment, my vocabulary fails me now. Anyway, thus began our journey towards building our family.
Looking back I absolutely and thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant. Every kick, every flutter in the tummy, every ‘throw up’, every time I realized I cannot fit into a dress because my belly had grown to huge proportions, every doctor visit, every shot I took, every lil pill I swallowed for my baby, every time I lay down on the bed and the sonologist applied that ‘gooey stuff’ on my belly and played my baby’s heart beat to me ,every frequent visit to the loo, every muscle that ached, every advise I endured, every minute I lay on my bed in the middle of the night talking to my baby and imagining about how this lil one would be, every dinner my husband made for me with so so so much love, every lil moment of absolute pampering provided by my mum and dad….everything, just every single moment. I did not have any complications during my pregnancy (thank god!) I loved being pregnant and I so miss being pregnant
Whenever anyone asked me when was my due, I was so proud to say January 1st (Silly me!).I was so thrilled about it, absolutely kicked, I mean, you deliver your baby on the New years and who wouldn’t be thrilled??Everyone remembered, just everyone remembered my due date!:)So the 9 months sped away quiet quickly and before I knew it was Christmas 2009.I had read somewhere (I read a lot!!!too much infact) that you can deliver either 2 weeks in advance or 2 weeks post your due date,and thus I was over anxious and was expecting my lil one to pop out by 20th of december.Dumb me.But my sonny waited and waited,I still think he knew what was in store for mommy and thus thought too much before he decided to pop!
By December 31st I was simply tired-tired of carrying my big belly around.
The whole of the week I kept having contractions (Braxton Hicks). Even simpler actions like talking and eating seemed too humongous a task by then. I figured my baby wasn’t really interested to say hello to the world as yet.I hated picking phone calls, it irked me to answer everyone’s predominant question –‘Oh so you haven’t delivered?’ –I mean isn’t that obvious, I was still sporting my HUGE belly-duh!!!!I slept through the 31st night like a baby, so peacefully.
A new year ,a new beginning..
January 1st 2010 – a new day, a new year. This year was definitely going to be special for Vivek and me. I felt lighter that morning, maybe even happier. But there was just one worry –‘how am I gonna bring my baby out?’I was beginning to get really nervous. My sister and family had come down for my delivery, my nieces were my saving grace during the last leg of my pregnancy –I owe them tones of LOVEThe day glided by with some phone calls, good food ,chatting with my nieces, sleeping and tv. Managed a long walk with the lil girls, amma and akka in the evening. There was anxiety in the air; everyone was looking a lil worried because I was visibly looking tired and overdone! It was 9:00 pm,my folks were calling it a day and I had just messaged Vivek goodnight(he was spending the new years with his parents who had come down for my delivery) when I was beginning to feel very uneasy. I then knew it,the time had come. In a matter of a few minutes I started getting contractions that were very painful and very different in comparison to the false pains I had been getting over the past week. By 10:00pm,Dad,mum,Vivek and I - Off we go to the hospital!
I was feeling a whole cluster of emotions, but the most predominant was relief and joy (not sure if in the same order-finally i was going to see my baby. ).I was taken to the ER, where I was examined and the nurses confirmed that these were labor contractions and not just false pains. I was asked to stay back at the hospital.
I couldn’t sleep a wink that night; I had really funny thoughts like what if I delivered during my sleep??(hilarious, agreed, but if you were in my state –sighhhhh).I waited for 6:00am,well that’s when the doctor promised she would visit me. Come 6:00 am,7:00 am,8:00am – no doctor. Finally a lady walks in at 9:00am and introduces herself and says that she would be taking care of me as my doctor had broke her spine the previous night! WHATTTTTTTTTT?????I was shocked, dazed (and that was just the beginning of my adventurous birthing story!),was almost in tears, when the doctor hugged me and said it was going to be ok. Honestly that meant so much to me, I instantly felt a lot better. She examined me and said I was progressing and fast that too, so she advised I stay back at the hospital, and drink lots of water and walk. Thats pretty much what I did. Kept drinking water and walking down the hospital corridors, hoping I would deliver soon. Finally by 8:00 pm my new and fabulous doctor said that she would need to induce pain to push things a bit and that we could take a call on it the next day and she promised me that I will have my lil baby by the next day.2nd of January came and went, and I was still sporting my huge belly!Surprisingly I slept pretty well on the 2nd night.
The BIG DAY
The nurses woke amma and me up by 5:00am.I got dressed and was waiting .By six, they told me I was ready to walk into the delivery room. WHATTTT????I mean that’s it??I just walk in to the delivery room?? That’s not what I expected, I mean I have watched movies all my life and I am supposed to be on a stretcher wailing and screaming while my family members hold my hand. I mean, I can’t just walk into the delivery room??!!But yep, I did. Very coolly and confidently, waving bye to my mum and Vivek. I was ready. Yes, I really was.
I initially was a lil perplexed, I really did not know what I must expect.I waited patiently for my doctor while the nurses there did their thing. The doctor and I chatted away as we waited for my pain to accelerate. By 7:00 am, it had begun. My brain, my body my soul and I started working towards just one purpose - delivering my baby to this world.
As I lay in bed I realized that these contractions were coming more regularly and were getting very very painful. My water broke and I was in labor –the real thing! I just lay there wincing in the bed and watching the clock over my head -8:30 am. I kept calling out to the doctor and the nurses, asking just one question “how longer do I have to go through this”.Now these contractions are for real. They started coming a lot stronger. Now these damn contractions hurt. My back was killing me too. The good thing was my sister and Vivek took turns to hold my hands and encourage me in the delivery room.
I just keep looking at the clock and kept moaning and grunting in pain.The clock said 9:45 am - DAMN!!!! By now there are 2 doctors and about half a dozen nurses around me and not to forget my sister and husband take turns to come in. At some point here I almost told the doctor I don’t want to this ,well I just almost did, but never said it. There was a part in me that said, this is going to be it, so just hold on there! I askED the doctor, when must I push, and she says you will know when to, and I am like, what the heck???But goodness gracious she was right, but 10:30 am, I knew I had to push, I did have the urge to push, I struggled,I had absolutely no control of myself. I had to stop every few minutes to remember and breathe. But every time I breathed in the doctor said I was doing it all wrong as the baby was going back inside.
I was frustrated, helpless, thirsty, sweaty, tired and the people around me made me very very nervous, even though they were doing their best to help me and make me feel comfortable. - This whole deal was complicated and I was literally beginning to chide my poor lil baby, begging him to get out some how! I vowed that I would never ever use the word PUSH in my vocabulary again! I hated the word. It suddenly just had a new meaning and it was changing my life!
I prayed hard, breathed in a few more times, pushed harder this time and finally after about 9 pushes, I managed to deliver my baby @ 11:37 am, he weighed 3.2 kgs and was very healthy. I was hysterical after he popped!!!I kept crying out "my baby,my baby" as I lay on the bed shivering with fear, excitement and happiness.
My baby was wailing, he looked really tired when they handed him over to me. But when we looked at each other our world stopped. I was in awe of him. He was looking at me like, ’oh so finally they give me to you,I was looking for you all over mommy, just don’t let me go’.
It was the first time in my life that I cried happy tears.
I dint even want to know if it was a girl or a boy,I managed to deliver my baby and my baby was right in my arms and that’s all that mattered. Until then I had always prayed that he should be healthy and perfect, but it was at this moment I knew it really doesn’t matter!!I mean what is perfect really??The baby is mine and I am going to love him or her all my life, it really doesn’t matter if he is blue , green or polka dotted!!!
I was on a high, very very chatty, upbeat and happy. It was weird but I did not feel tired, I was waiting to hug and cry to each and every one of my family waiting outside. Just when I was basking in this happiness, came a jolt of my life. Now this is the part I wish not to remember, nevertheless its part of my birthing story, so I will quickly go through this. ...
I was profusely bleeding, it was a post delivery complication and no one was prepared for this. It took a doctor of such experience about 4 to 5 mins to figure out the complication - partial 'uterus inversion'(A fatal post delivery complication!). The doctors and the whole team were watching me in shock and disbelief as I was hemorrhaging and slowly slipping to unconsciousness. ‘I thought I was done with this,why the hell is it not getting over’ ,I wailed to my doctor. She was pained, and that’s when I knew she could do nothing about it and the least I could do is shut up and let her do her thing.
God was in charge and I had to accept what was happening.I don’t know where i had the strength in me to face the situation, I fought back, I wanted to stay awake, I wanted to live. I stopped panicking, I did not cry. I remained calm, conscious and patient as I was whisked away to the O.T for an operation to set things back in place. When i gained my consciousness at around 4:00 pm that evening I was in the ICU and all i could think of is my baby,all that I urged for was to hold my baby and nurse him.
Isnt he beautiful??He is about maybe 10 hours old,and this was when he and his daddy came to visit mama at the ICU
When I reflect i don’t have the words or the courage to thank God enough...I can only say, God wanted me to be Yathaarth's Mommy no matter what and made sure i survived:)))
This was a beautiful miracle.The closest I have got to God so far in my life.
We have a secret in our culture..and its not that birth is painful,its that women are strong. –Laura Stavoe Harm
The beginning…
May 5th was the day I knew I was pregnant. I still remember the day very clearly, it was around 5:30 am, Vivek was just coming back to Chennai that morning, and he was away for more than a week on work. I was at my parent’s place. The moment I discovered I was pregnant, I was stunned, dazed and my world stopped for that nano second. I still cannot describe precisely what I felt that moment, my vocabulary fails me now. Anyway, thus began our journey towards building our family.
Looking back I absolutely and thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant. Every kick, every flutter in the tummy, every ‘throw up’, every time I realized I cannot fit into a dress because my belly had grown to huge proportions, every doctor visit, every shot I took, every lil pill I swallowed for my baby, every time I lay down on the bed and the sonologist applied that ‘gooey stuff’ on my belly and played my baby’s heart beat to me ,every frequent visit to the loo, every muscle that ached, every advise I endured, every minute I lay on my bed in the middle of the night talking to my baby and imagining about how this lil one would be, every dinner my husband made for me with so so so much love, every lil moment of absolute pampering provided by my mum and dad….everything, just every single moment. I did not have any complications during my pregnancy (thank god!) I loved being pregnant and I so miss being pregnant
Whenever anyone asked me when was my due, I was so proud to say January 1st (Silly me!).I was so thrilled about it, absolutely kicked, I mean, you deliver your baby on the New years and who wouldn’t be thrilled??Everyone remembered, just everyone remembered my due date!:)So the 9 months sped away quiet quickly and before I knew it was Christmas 2009.I had read somewhere (I read a lot!!!too much infact) that you can deliver either 2 weeks in advance or 2 weeks post your due date,and thus I was over anxious and was expecting my lil one to pop out by 20th of december.Dumb me.But my sonny waited and waited,I still think he knew what was in store for mommy and thus thought too much before he decided to pop!
By December 31st I was simply tired-tired of carrying my big belly around.
The whole of the week I kept having contractions (Braxton Hicks). Even simpler actions like talking and eating seemed too humongous a task by then. I figured my baby wasn’t really interested to say hello to the world as yet.I hated picking phone calls, it irked me to answer everyone’s predominant question –‘Oh so you haven’t delivered?’ –I mean isn’t that obvious, I was still sporting my HUGE belly-duh!!!!I slept through the 31st night like a baby, so peacefully.
A new year ,a new beginning..
January 1st 2010 – a new day, a new year. This year was definitely going to be special for Vivek and me. I felt lighter that morning, maybe even happier. But there was just one worry –‘how am I gonna bring my baby out?’I was beginning to get really nervous. My sister and family had come down for my delivery, my nieces were my saving grace during the last leg of my pregnancy –I owe them tones of LOVEThe day glided by with some phone calls, good food ,chatting with my nieces, sleeping and tv. Managed a long walk with the lil girls, amma and akka in the evening. There was anxiety in the air; everyone was looking a lil worried because I was visibly looking tired and overdone! It was 9:00 pm,my folks were calling it a day and I had just messaged Vivek goodnight(he was spending the new years with his parents who had come down for my delivery) when I was beginning to feel very uneasy. I then knew it,the time had come. In a matter of a few minutes I started getting contractions that were very painful and very different in comparison to the false pains I had been getting over the past week. By 10:00pm,Dad,mum,Vivek and I - Off we go to the hospital!
I was feeling a whole cluster of emotions, but the most predominant was relief and joy (not sure if in the same order-finally i was going to see my baby. ).I was taken to the ER, where I was examined and the nurses confirmed that these were labor contractions and not just false pains. I was asked to stay back at the hospital.
I couldn’t sleep a wink that night; I had really funny thoughts like what if I delivered during my sleep??(hilarious, agreed, but if you were in my state –sighhhhh).I waited for 6:00am,well that’s when the doctor promised she would visit me. Come 6:00 am,7:00 am,8:00am – no doctor. Finally a lady walks in at 9:00am and introduces herself and says that she would be taking care of me as my doctor had broke her spine the previous night! WHATTTTTTTTTT?????I was shocked, dazed (and that was just the beginning of my adventurous birthing story!),was almost in tears, when the doctor hugged me and said it was going to be ok. Honestly that meant so much to me, I instantly felt a lot better. She examined me and said I was progressing and fast that too, so she advised I stay back at the hospital, and drink lots of water and walk. Thats pretty much what I did. Kept drinking water and walking down the hospital corridors, hoping I would deliver soon. Finally by 8:00 pm my new and fabulous doctor said that she would need to induce pain to push things a bit and that we could take a call on it the next day and she promised me that I will have my lil baby by the next day.2nd of January came and went, and I was still sporting my huge belly!Surprisingly I slept pretty well on the 2nd night.
The BIG DAY
The nurses woke amma and me up by 5:00am.I got dressed and was waiting .By six, they told me I was ready to walk into the delivery room. WHATTTT????I mean that’s it??I just walk in to the delivery room?? That’s not what I expected, I mean I have watched movies all my life and I am supposed to be on a stretcher wailing and screaming while my family members hold my hand. I mean, I can’t just walk into the delivery room??!!But yep, I did. Very coolly and confidently, waving bye to my mum and Vivek. I was ready. Yes, I really was.
I initially was a lil perplexed, I really did not know what I must expect.I waited patiently for my doctor while the nurses there did their thing. The doctor and I chatted away as we waited for my pain to accelerate. By 7:00 am, it had begun. My brain, my body my soul and I started working towards just one purpose - delivering my baby to this world.
As I lay in bed I realized that these contractions were coming more regularly and were getting very very painful. My water broke and I was in labor –the real thing! I just lay there wincing in the bed and watching the clock over my head -8:30 am. I kept calling out to the doctor and the nurses, asking just one question “how longer do I have to go through this”.Now these contractions are for real. They started coming a lot stronger. Now these damn contractions hurt. My back was killing me too. The good thing was my sister and Vivek took turns to hold my hands and encourage me in the delivery room.
I just keep looking at the clock and kept moaning and grunting in pain.The clock said 9:45 am - DAMN!!!! By now there are 2 doctors and about half a dozen nurses around me and not to forget my sister and husband take turns to come in. At some point here I almost told the doctor I don’t want to this ,well I just almost did, but never said it. There was a part in me that said, this is going to be it, so just hold on there! I askED the doctor, when must I push, and she says you will know when to, and I am like, what the heck???But goodness gracious she was right, but 10:30 am, I knew I had to push, I did have the urge to push, I struggled,I had absolutely no control of myself. I had to stop every few minutes to remember and breathe. But every time I breathed in the doctor said I was doing it all wrong as the baby was going back inside.
I was frustrated, helpless, thirsty, sweaty, tired and the people around me made me very very nervous, even though they were doing their best to help me and make me feel comfortable. - This whole deal was complicated and I was literally beginning to chide my poor lil baby, begging him to get out some how! I vowed that I would never ever use the word PUSH in my vocabulary again! I hated the word. It suddenly just had a new meaning and it was changing my life!
I prayed hard, breathed in a few more times, pushed harder this time and finally after about 9 pushes, I managed to deliver my baby @ 11:37 am, he weighed 3.2 kgs and was very healthy. I was hysterical after he popped!!!I kept crying out "my baby,my baby" as I lay on the bed shivering with fear, excitement and happiness.
My baby was wailing, he looked really tired when they handed him over to me. But when we looked at each other our world stopped. I was in awe of him. He was looking at me like, ’oh so finally they give me to you,I was looking for you all over mommy, just don’t let me go’.
It was the first time in my life that I cried happy tears.
I dint even want to know if it was a girl or a boy,I managed to deliver my baby and my baby was right in my arms and that’s all that mattered. Until then I had always prayed that he should be healthy and perfect, but it was at this moment I knew it really doesn’t matter!!I mean what is perfect really??The baby is mine and I am going to love him or her all my life, it really doesn’t matter if he is blue , green or polka dotted!!!
I was on a high, very very chatty, upbeat and happy. It was weird but I did not feel tired, I was waiting to hug and cry to each and every one of my family waiting outside. Just when I was basking in this happiness, came a jolt of my life. Now this is the part I wish not to remember, nevertheless its part of my birthing story, so I will quickly go through this. ...
I was profusely bleeding, it was a post delivery complication and no one was prepared for this. It took a doctor of such experience about 4 to 5 mins to figure out the complication - partial 'uterus inversion'(A fatal post delivery complication!). The doctors and the whole team were watching me in shock and disbelief as I was hemorrhaging and slowly slipping to unconsciousness. ‘I thought I was done with this,why the hell is it not getting over’ ,I wailed to my doctor. She was pained, and that’s when I knew she could do nothing about it and the least I could do is shut up and let her do her thing.
God was in charge and I had to accept what was happening.I don’t know where i had the strength in me to face the situation, I fought back, I wanted to stay awake, I wanted to live. I stopped panicking, I did not cry. I remained calm, conscious and patient as I was whisked away to the O.T for an operation to set things back in place. When i gained my consciousness at around 4:00 pm that evening I was in the ICU and all i could think of is my baby,all that I urged for was to hold my baby and nurse him.
Isnt he beautiful??He is about maybe 10 hours old,and this was when he and his daddy came to visit mama at the ICU
When I reflect i don’t have the words or the courage to thank God enough...I can only say, God wanted me to be Yathaarth's Mommy no matter what and made sure i survived:)))
This was a beautiful miracle.The closest I have got to God so far in my life.
We have a secret in our culture..and its not that birth is painful,its that women are strong. –Laura Stavoe Harm
Comments
Post a Comment